From our new Canine tarot & astrologer Psychic Phoebe (adopted from Barney’s Small Breed Rescue on 31.12.2018).

Please note that Phoebe’s owner is a qualified tarot reader and Phoebe is learning astrology so take her advice and guidance with a pinch of salt and humour and purely for entertainment purposes only!

Pisces Dog: Hey doglet it’s your birthday month! Happy Woof-day to you! So you might find your hooman is a little distracted and might forget one of your presents. Be graceful and don’t snap- your hooman is only human and not as superior as us canine’s so they were bound to forget something. Instead of going on at them just leave a poop by the door so that they step in it. It’s only karma!

Aries Dog: Hmm, pupster, it’s not a bed of roses this March. You’ll find your hooman tired and turning into a bit of a lockdown couch potato, so you have some serious barking to do to get them to take you out for your walk. Don’t back down. Bark until you’re blue in the face and pull at their trouser legs. That’ll remind them.

Taurus Dog: Yay go you woofer! This month is full of happy playtimes. You get to locate the secret box in the kitchen (finally) and can knock yourself out on all the hidden treats- Fat? You? Never! You are in your doggy treats element this month. Just remember to leave a few crumbs so the hoomans think they have mice and don’t blame you for the doggy-treat break-in!

Gemini Dog: Hey twin-dog- CHILL OUT! Yep you’ve been racing around, chasing your tail and even your hooman has got dizzy. Time to get the spa treatments out. Place magazine pictures on the coffee table to get your hooman to buy your cucumber slices, face pack and paw treatments- it’s time to stop feeling so ruff and RELAX!!

Cancer Dog: Aww my little watery hound, stop feeling so sad and alone. This month its time for spring and zing! So drag your bed to the washing machine, rip your old blanket up so that the hooman buys you a new fresh one, and get your bright fresh bandana on. Trust me, you’ll feel much more perky and as fresh as a Chihuahua on beef jerky strips! Time to stop feeling depressed and start racing around the garden!

Leo Dog: Yes we know that you believe you are superior to your owner- you Leo lion-king! However your hooman just isn’t getting it. So work on your canine communication this month and soon you’ll find your hooman turns into almost a dog-whisperer! Perseverance is the key even though you feel it’s beneath you.

Virgo Dog: Tut, Tut, Tut….Having spent most of last month on OCD with your toys arrangement in the toy box, this month you’re going to be doing much of the same, only it’s with your food bowls. And if you don’t like the bowl that you are eating from, well you know what to do- You’re a perfectionist at heart so find the perfect place to hide your grotty old food bowl so that the hooman has to get you a new one! Strategy is the game for you this month.

Libra Dog: Ah my balanced doggywoggy- you are in a zen-like place for March. You’re learning the art of mindfulness and so you have become fully present in the moment, On the up side it means that everything can be peacefully surveyed from your raised luxury dog bed. On the down side you might find you are psychically picking up on the hooman’s stress, so make sure you get in the garden and ground those four paws of yours. You don’t need that hooman shift in your life!

Scorpio Dog: Woohoo! Finally your possessive streak works to your favour this month! Your hooman is considering a cat! WHAT!! can’t have that this month. So you can chase, race and paw to your heart’s content and just get that hooman to delay their decision so that you can have another month alone! Happy chasing!

Sagittarius Dog: Woohoo- so your training in agility starts this month! Happy days. Just remember that if you want to get ahead get over your fear of heights and get up that A frame pronto you have to us the mantra- ‘for each step I take up the ladder my hooman will give me treats’. Use it, abuse it and eat those treats!

Capricorn Dog: Right then Goat-dog, listen up! You. can’t. eat. underwear. Nope, never in public. We are dogs, and yes it smells of our owner but to have chewed them in front of the neighbour whilst the hooman’s were cleaning up the car to take you for a beach walk…. well even I’m not impressed. So this month you really must focus on good behaviour and implement the hooman’s discipline and make it authentic. We both know that really we get the hooman’s to think we are obeying. So act your heart out baby, and make amends this month for the holy underwear.

Aquarius Dog: Watch out for a minor health concern this month where you’ll have to be quick to make it outside to pee. Just make sure that it’s not on the hooman’s bed otherwise you may find yourself in the dogs bed in the kitchen. Practice your pooch pilates and all should be fine by the end of the month. If in doubt, feign sickness to get your hooman to take you to the dastardly doggy doctor to give you a tonic.

March prediction for the hoomans: ” This month you’ll see the benefit of popping to the Barney’s shop and finding something beautiful for your pooch to wear and by doing so you are sponsoring one of my pawfect pals. You can find the shop here“…